To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
