My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
