Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone signed my nipple.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
