so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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