You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
