well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
