I think my fart just growled at me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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