I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is classic penis vs brain.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
