I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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