I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
