just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
