i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's get the cat blown out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
