I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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