I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
