Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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