I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
