I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
