dude i'm inner monologue high
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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