Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still dying that you shit outside
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
