Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
