I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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