i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
