Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
