I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
