My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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