Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
