my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
