ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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