I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
