Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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