I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
