Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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