but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
