i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
