She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
