i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize