so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
