I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize