You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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