youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
