hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
