I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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