I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
