I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
