I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
