Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had sex on a roof
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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