call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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