I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
