I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
