he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
