doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
