i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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