Got a toothbrush?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
