Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
