I could make wine with my vomit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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