He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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