I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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