If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
