do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
