My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
