There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
