No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
